You know I earn a good living, compared to my family and friends; a pretty good living actually. But I always feel it’s not enough, especially when my partner’s salary is double! – scratch that, triple! Don’t get me wrong, I am always fully supportive of my husband, and I wish him the highest career advancement as he deserves it. He is a very hard worker, ethical and loyal employee. He is also very supportive of me and proud of my accomplishments and does appreciate my contribution to the household.
However, I cannot but feel degraded and unworthy, when he uses sentences such as ‘I am going to buy you a car’, ‘I want to buy you a laptop’, ‘I want to buy a bigger house in the future’, ‘I want to buy a land and build our own house’. He wants to buy me all sort of things. He would do the impossible to make me happy. So it would be unfair to feel bad when hearing those words, right?
But I do feel bad. How about, ‘Let’s buy a new car’, ‘Let’s buy a laptop’ or ‘I want us to buy a bigger house’, ‘I want us to buy a land and build our own house’. It’s really not a big difference actually, and you might think I’m crazy, ungrateful or silly. But we are partners, and even though my salary is nothing compared to his, I do contribute to the our financials. So why I feel that I am not?
I usually share my feelings with him on all matters that bother me, as relationships are built on honesty and communication, but how can tell him something like that? I feel so silly, yet I cannot help myself. I feel so trapped in my thoughts, and I cannot happen to feel but unsatisfied with my career accomplishments, nor my financial status, as it is not enough, it doesn’t feel enough.